Detective Gunther Tootie: Fancy Tips

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News Flash!

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Dateline: Tallahassee, Florida
Detective Gunther Tootie reporting

The Fancy (Pronounced Fauncey) Brainstone murder trial is in recess while District Attorney Florian Burnem undergoes his annual colonoscopy screening. I decided to take this time to do some additional investigating.

I have learned that Fancy Brainstone is using her newfound “celebrity and notoriety” to plead her case directly to the public and has written a “tell all” article for Popular Parenting Magazine titled: “Mama’s Busy & Doesn’t Care!”  In the article she explains how she would drop Chauncey  and Chumlee at Walmart every morning at 8 a.m. and then pick them up every evening at about midnight. “It’s way better than daycare and the hours are better, not to mention my kids like the Walmart employees better than the teachers at daycare….and it’s absolutely free, they have the latest toys and Walmart never closes so it’s also ULTRA-SUPER-convenient. The only drawback is Walmart IS closed on Christmas and I usually want to get rid of the kids over the holidays.”

Here are some excerpts from the article

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Apparently it has slipped Fancy’s mind that she is on trial for murdering one of her sons… Chumlee… by feeding him to an alligator!

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Writing about raising her son Chauncey:
“I’m unemployed so I can’t spend a lot of time with my child but what time we do have together is real quality time. The time I spend driving my  Chauncey to Walmart and the movies is priceless!”

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“I’ve made it quite clear to Chauncey that it’s other people’s responsibility to make him happy and if they can’t do that simple thing, he should punish them.
A few years ago I took Chauncey to meet his idol, John Wayne… Well, actually it was a kind of creepy Walmart employee who had taken an unnatural interest in Chauncey that took him…BUT it was MY idea! Chauncey spends a lot of time talking about that special day to his court appointed therapist.”

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Chauncey is “working” his way through Community College by driving a taxi…

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I have also learned, while Fancy is on trial Chauncey has been released into the custody of his grandmother, Phoenicia Brainstone-Tubbalardi, Fancy’s 80 year old mother…

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Chauncey has been implicated in a string of unsolved homicides.

Well, that’s my extra-special report for today! I’ll keep you posted!

Namaste!
Undercover Cop Detective Gunther Tootie, 3rd grader (Honor Roll)

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The 9 Lives Of Buffalo Tom Peabody & Gunther Tootie

Kodak Moments 9: WW I Correspondent

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This should explain everything

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1917…”click” & save to SD…
2015…upload to WordPress!

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…and that’s how it’s done!

Namaste! (That’s Yogi for Toodles!)

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The 9 Lives Of Buffalo Tom Peabody & Gunther Tootie

eydTunes: What’s Going On?

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This group is guaranteed 100% Soul-Free and 100% Dorky!

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You should see their choreography! Lots of synchronized pointing and twirling! Snazzy!

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They shattered musical stereotypes… Surprisingly they’re not a disco outfit!

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And here’s something completely different…or not…

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Namaste! (That’s Yogi for Toodles!)

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The 9 Lives Of Buffalo Tom Peabody & Gunther Tootie

Detective Gunther Tootie: Shocking!

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Dateline: Tallahassee, Florida
Detective Gunther Tootie reporting:
News Flash!

The entire courtroom was stunned, this morning, when Buffalo Tom Peabody “escorted” Fancy (pronounced Fauncey) Brainstone’s 80 year old mother, Phoenicia Brainstone-Tubbalardi into the courtroom!

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Despite District Attorney Florian Burnem’s objection,¬† Phoenicia was allowed to testify as a character witness on behalf of her daughter Fancy!
Phoenicia refuses to believe that Fancy could have fed HER favorite grandson, Chumlee to an alligator! At one point during the proceedings she turned to her daughter and yelled, “I didn’t spend my hard earned money fattening that kid up just so you could feed him to an alligator! Only a big fat stupid idiot, like you, could do something this stupid!”
“I know you are but what am I?” barked Fancy!

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Yesterday, I interviewed Phoenicia’s ex-husband, Giuseppe Tubbalardi…

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At first, Giuseppe wanted to stick to happy memories, like his wedding day…
“I come from the old country, Poland, where people stay married forever, no matter what… I had NO idea…”

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“We had so much fun at our wedding reception…”

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“Phoenicia already had two kids, from previous affairs and didn’t want any more, which was fine with me. She was also looking after her grandson, Chumlee… Who was her daughter Fancy’s boy. He was a twin¬† and Phoenicia spoiled him something terrible because it was obvious that his mother, Fancy didn’t want anything to do with him. For a while… We were a happy little family…”

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“Son after we were married, Phoenicia took up a career as Executive Secretary and bartender at tbe local Satanic Cult and Sokol Hall. All she could talk about was Satan this and Satan that…I got really sick of it. Pretty soon she took to bossing me around all the time and calling me names and comparing me to her boyfriend Satan … She also demanded that I refer to her as Royal Highness…and did I mind if she dated Satan on the side?… she turned into a raving shrew! The only thing she learned at the Devil’s Workshop was how to talk double-talk… When I asked her if she wanted a divorce she said, “Is that not what you don’t not want me not to not do?”… I took that as a yes.”

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“She thought she was Wonder Woman but she was just a great big joke. I couldn’t take it no more so I went out and found me a better woman. I waited until Phoenicia went to one of her cult meetings… I grabbed my stuff and never looked back! It was the best thing I ever did…next to having an exhaust fan put in the outside crapper.”

Here’s a photo of Phoenicia and Fancy during happier times…

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Well, there you have it, the latest developments in the Fancy (pronounced Fauncey) Brainstone trial!
Namaste! (that’s Yogi for Toodles!)
Undercover Cop Detective Gunther Tootie, 3rd Grader (Honor Roll)

The 9 Lives Of Buffalo Tom Peabody & Gunther Tootie