Detective Tootie: Undercover Cop



The story behind me and Buffalo Tom’s  SHOCKumentary film sensation…
It’s a cautionary and filthy tale that must be told!


The Shocking Prequel:
Fancy Brainstone, Mother From Hell!
– Detective Gunther Tootie, reporting.
After a several months long investigation I am now ready to reveal the results of my investigation of Chauncey and Fancy (pronounced Fauncey) Brainstone.
Is Fancy Brainstone an alien, as some speculate, and is Chauncey her and Charles Manson’s evil alien spawn? Sadly, they are both just evil, mentally disturbed and homely humans.


When Fancy Brainstone was arrested in Gary, Indiana last week she said, referring to her crime spree, “You only have yourselves to blame for this! And don’t try to blame it on aliens or Charlie Manson! You made me this way! I am the victim! Somebody give me a cigarette and a drink!”
21 years ago when Fancy received the news that she was pregnant…



She told friends…” I’m carrying this baby so low it will have to be a boy, a DARLING baby boy…”


No one suspected TWINS!
When the twins were born, Fancy hid baby Chumlee away from the public’s eye. She couldn’t afford one baby…much less twins!


The birth tripled her cigarette and liquor bill…


So Fancy supplemented her income by turning to purse snatching and prostitution…


She also joined up with a band of Gypsys where she read palms…or as she called it…”Hand jobs”…


She was still broke! So she hatched a plan to rid herself of Chumlee…


She and Chumlee went for a walk in the swamp and only one returned. She referred to this event as her “retroactive abortion”… What kind of despicable person does this?

With Chumlee out of the way, she and her boyfriends were able to focus all of their affection on little Chauncey…


Chauncey had no choice but to grow up tough, mean and demented…


Did anyone see the warning signs?


The 9 Lives Of Buffalo Tom Peabody & Gunther Tootie

24 thoughts on “Detective Tootie: Undercover Cop

  1. Horror of All Horrors! This is truly a tale of the perfect worst nightmare as told by Gunther! A true feline tale of terror from hell! Good job! πŸ™‚

  2. OMGosh, so much is so wrong with all of this. Poor Chum, no chance at a life. Perhaps he went on to become a gator-baby, disquised in hope of being given a second chance? Oh, we can only hope.

    Fancy, what a piece of work! I cannot fathom her ancestry. That family tree doesn’t have branches, it’s splintered, fractured and diseased! It’s a danged shame it ever got fertilized! Charles Manson as her lover?

    How desperate the individuals that entertained themselves in the arms of that chain smoking wench. The beard! Good heavens, how could she find that inviting? How could ANYONE find it inviting? I’ve heard of desperate times calling for desperate measures, but this just rolls the Jeep right over the mountain and into the ravine. Copious amounts of alcohol and drugs can only explain that one.

    Why did i read about this at bedtime? Junior College, a time of fun and freedom, a time to explore the world, never did one think it would be a time of such fear and loathing.

    So many questions, so few answers. Thank goodness Officer Tootie has a handle on this. My hero!

    • Detective Gunther Tootie here, it is my honor and privilege to serve and protect …in this carnival that we call life… someone has to clean out the freak shows! Buffalo Tom says that I remind him of Alan Ladd… Tiny, fearless and tough as nails!
      Chumlee was definitely another 1 in a long line of Fancy’s victims. Looking at the seedy and sorded under-belly of our society is my job as an undercover cop. Me and Buffalo Tom decided that it is our responsibility to report from the darkside every now and then… As a public service.

      • Officer Tootie, I bleed red, white and blue. I am honored that there are folks, such as yourself (adorable kitten, that you are ❀️), that are willing to crawl into the underbelly of life and pull the dregs out of the shadows and expose them for what they are. Without our brave men, women, fearless felines and canine officers, we would find a more corruptible society too heinous to navigate. I ask all citizens, heck, I ask all of humanity, citizen or not, to take the oath to serve and protect themselves with this one promise: “Honor your neighbor.” Treat them with respect and remember, just because someone grunted at you, failed to grant you the right-of-way on the Freeway of Life, does not give you the right to pull a negative. When someone ruffles our feathers we may best defuse the situation by taking a deep breath and then thanking ourselves for not having to wear our aggressors shoes for the day. We never know the load our stranger carries, but an act of kindness multiplies itself beyond the number of two, it becomes a magnitude that exceeds any known number.

      • Beautifully said! You are singing my song, I also believe that kindness can solve most any problem and what kindness cannot solve, kindness will start the healing.

    • Thanks, draliman! Me and buffalo tom will be donating some of the proceeds from our shockumentary film to go towards a commemorative park bench to be placed in the florida swamp where Chumlee “disappeared”… This way, other children can sit on the bench and look at the gators and wonder how this could have happened. It will have a brass plaque on it that reads…”In memory of Chumlee Brainstone – please do not dangle your legs in the water”

  3. Can we say, from the looks of things, and of Fancy, that first, DNA will go haywire and second, life is often bizarre? Perhaps the freak show is more honest? IDK… Strange Little Town, though, perhaps we live in it and choose to ignore the dark carnival activities.

    • I really like your comment because it is exactly what prompted this post. It is, indeed, difficult to “see the signs” and if you did see the signs who would you report them to? Not to mention who would believe you? What if you were wrong? What if you were right?
      Thanks, again, for your comment!

  4. You’re welcome. We turn away because it is difficult to watch. The child who suffers from the bizarre treatments counts on mankind to see and to act. How often, we look the other way? All the time. It’s hard to look at… Powerful. You should enter this in a contest for abuse victims…

    • You are so right. As Billie Holiday so brilliantly sang, ” help yourself but don’t take too much…” god bless the child. I believe it is all a matter of will and decency. As a blind person, I am feeling a strong desire to start a serious blog about the bigotry and victimization faced by people with disabilities. (when the strong prey on the weak.)
      Thanks again, for listening.

      • I’m feeling the anger, as well. Perhaps angry over society and all of the faux pas’ associated with “doing the popular or “right” according to the demographic psychosocial rule makers.””

  5. I’m going to put this on my FB page. Most will think I’m bizarre. But, I will post our last comments first. People miss the meaning, because they can’t bare to witness the depravity of mankind…

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