Detective Tootie: Update


Dateline: Tallahassee, Florida February 20, 2015
Detective Gunther Tootie, Undercover Cop reporting

News Flash!
Fancy (pronounced Fauncey) Brainstone murder trial flares up like a nasty rash & it stinks!


Fancy Brainstone blames the heartbreak of psoriasis for the disappearance of her 8 year old son, “I turned around for just one second to scratch a dry itchy spot . . . none of this would have happened if Walgreens hadn’t run out of my special ITCH cream! . . . and when I turned around, my baby Chumlee was gone! Somebody stole my baby! Walgreens is to blame!”


District Attorney Florian Burnem claims Fancy took Chumlee into the swamp for the sole purpose of feeding Chumlee to the Gators. He also said,  “We see this sort of thing all the time down here in Florida, women taking their children into the swamp and feeding them to the Gators… They call it retroactive birth control. We call it premeditated homicide … Fancy is trying to play on the sympathy of the jury, she IS incontinent but shows NO signs of psoriasis… Heartbreak or otherwise. Considering our tiny budget, I don’t know how long we can keep Fancy supplied with Depends undergarments… We are looking for a charitable organization to put Fancy in washable diapers. . . Everything about Fancy’s testimony STINKS! I have no sympathy for this psychopath!”


Chumlee’s twin brother, Chauncey Brainstone, could not be reached for comment.


I’ll keep you updated!
Detective Gunther Tootie, Undercover Cop and 3rd Grader (Honor Roll)


The 9 Lives Of Buffalo Tom Peabody & Gunther Tootie


13 thoughts on “Detective Tootie: Update

  1. Somehow Walgreen’s will be sued for their negligence.

    My question is, “Why is Chumlee not coming to his mum’s defense?” What’s he doing, hiding?

    If Fancy’s life Depends on anything, I think we should not Pamper her to death. She, and her past Luvs have broken the hearts of many.

    Put her in the laundry room and give her access to the runoff drain. Keeps the smell out of the courtroom. There’s no need to exhaust the counties budget on disposables. Just tape her testimony, place it before the court and keep our jury and the judge free from odor and fright.

    • Fancy is now accusing district attorney Florian Burnem of abducting Chumlee for the publicity! She is also claiming that actor Alan Alda & Barbra Streisand were hanging around the swamp looking very suspicious… Surprisingly, Fancy is not going for an insanity plea…
      ^ Detective Gunther Tootie^

    • Thanks, Aquileana!
      It was revealed this morning that Fancy’s attorney hasn’t appeared in court because he (F Lee Bailey) has been dead for several years. So fancy will be representing herself! The judge is also thinking about having Fancy appear in court via closed circuit television due to the washable diaper situation. 😦
      ^Detective Gunther Tootie^

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