Dateline: Tallahassee, Florida February 20, 2015
Detective Gunther Tootie, Undercover Cop reporting
Fancy (pronounced Fauncey) Brainstone murder trial flares up like a nasty rash & it stinks!
Fancy Brainstone blames the heartbreak of psoriasis for the disappearance of her 8 year old son, “I turned around for just one second to scratch a dry itchy spot . . . none of this would have happened if Walgreens hadn’t run out of my special ITCH cream! . . . and when I turned around, my baby Chumlee was gone! Somebody stole my baby! Walgreens is to blame!”
District Attorney Florian Burnem claims Fancy took Chumlee into the swamp for the sole purpose of feeding Chumlee to the Gators. He also said, “We see this sort of thing all the time down here in Florida, women taking their children into the swamp and feeding them to the Gators… They call it retroactive birth control. We call it premeditated homicide … Fancy is trying to play on the sympathy of the jury, she IS incontinent but shows NO signs of psoriasis… Heartbreak or otherwise. Considering our tiny budget, I don’t know how long we can keep Fancy supplied with Depends undergarments… We are looking for a charitable organization to put Fancy in washable diapers. . . Everything about Fancy’s testimony STINKS! I have no sympathy for this psychopath!”
Chumlee’s twin brother, Chauncey Brainstone, could not be reached for comment.
I’ll keep you updated!
Detective Gunther Tootie, Undercover Cop and 3rd Grader (Honor Roll)
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