“What’s the matter, haven’t you seen a pretty girl before?” demanded Fancy Brainstone in court today.
Dateline: Tallahassee, Florida
Undercover Cop, Detective Gunther Tootie reporting:
Fancy (pronounced Fauncey) Brainstone entered the following photographs into evidence today … In a feeble attempt to rehabilitate her sagging image in the eyes of the jury…
“It’s difficult to believe that Fancy was 8 months pregnant in these photos” said District Attorney Florian Burnem. “Shame! Shame! Shame! If you think these photos are bad you should see what she has posted on her Facebook account! It’s pure pornography!”
When shown this photograph, a female juror whispered, “The stripes are a very bad idea.”
“I think she looks like a demented female-alien-wasp-type wrestler with a botched boob job!” said Buffalo Tom Peabody of the spectacle he witnessed in court today.
“I wouldn’t wanna fight her!” said Baby Dozy Mosley!
Fancy made loud “kissing” and “sighing” noises every time one of her photographs appeared on the courtroom monitor…
Chauncey Brainstone, Fancy’s only known surviving son, couldn’t be reached for comment…even though he recently threatened to “blow out my pilot light”…
Namaste! (That’s Yogi for Toodles!)
Detective Gunther Tootie, Undercover Cop and 3rd grader (Honor Roll)
The 9 Lives Of Buffalo Tom Peabody & Gunther Tootie