Detective Gunther Tootie: Fancy Tips

News Flash!

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Dateline: Tallahassee, Florida
Detective Gunther Tootie reporting

The Fancy (Pronounced Fauncey) Brainstone murder trial is in recess while District Attorney Florian Burnem undergoes his annual colonoscopy screening. I decided to take this time to do some additional investigating.

I have learned that Fancy Brainstone is using her newfound “celebrity and notoriety” to plead her case directly to the public and has written a “tell all” article for Popular Parenting Magazine titled: “Mama’s Busy & Doesn’t Care!”  In the article she explains how she would drop Chauncey  and Chumlee at Walmart every morning at 8 a.m. and then pick them up every evening at about midnight. “It’s way better than daycare and the hours are better, not to mention my kids like the Walmart employees better than the teachers at daycare….and it’s absolutely free, they have the latest toys and Walmart never closes so it’s also ULTRA-SUPER-convenient. The only drawback is Walmart IS closed on Christmas and I usually want to get rid of the kids over the holidays.”

Here are some excerpts from the article

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Apparently it has slipped Fancy’s mind that she is on trial for murdering one of her sons… Chumlee… by feeding him to an alligator!

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Writing about raising her son Chauncey:
“I’m unemployed so I can’t spend a lot of time with my child but what time we do have together is real quality time. The time I spend driving my  Chauncey to Walmart and the movies is priceless!”

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“I’ve made it quite clear to Chauncey that it’s other people’s responsibility to make him happy and if they can’t do that simple thing, he should punish them.
A few years ago I took Chauncey to meet his idol, John Wayne… Well, actually it was a kind of creepy Walmart employee who had taken an unnatural interest in Chauncey that took him…BUT it was MY idea! Chauncey spends a lot of time talking about that special day to his court appointed therapist.”

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Chauncey is “working” his way through Community College by driving a taxi…

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I have also learned, while Fancy is on trial Chauncey has been released into the custody of his grandmother, Phoenicia Brainstone-Tubbalardi, Fancy’s 80 year old mother…

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Chauncey has been implicated in a string of unsolved homicides.

Well, that’s my extra-special report for today! I’ll keep you posted!

Namaste!
Undercover Cop Detective Gunther Tootie, 3rd grader (Honor Roll)

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The 9 Lives Of Buffalo Tom Peabody & Gunther Tootie

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9 thoughts on “Detective Gunther Tootie: Fancy Tips

    • Hahahahaha! John Wayne is a celebrity I will never understand. I’ve always imagined he would be the kind of person who says inappropriate things to people. Lol! I don’t know where this comes from except John Wayne is just boring. I can imagine him saying to me the reason I’m blind is because I don’t try hard enough to see. All of this is really unfair to john wayne but it makes me laugh right out loud!😂

  1. This plot sure has thickened. John Wayne didn’t even greet him with his usual, “Well howdy there partner.” … Dead give away, I knew, “The Duke” was on to him right then!

    • Lol! John wayne is such a revered and almost sainted institution that I just had to pick on him here. Gunther says that john wayne has been cleared in the investigation. But there is an all out manhunt for the creepy guy who was posing as a Walmart employee and took Chauncey to see John Wayne. Gunther also says, Fancy is such a great big liar it’s almost impossible to sort this out. Walmart is extremely upset that Fancy used them as a day care center!
      I think, one of the reasons Fancy is so dangerous is because not only is she crazy she’s also a moron with an inflated ego. She truly believes that she and her family are better than everyone else. She believes that someone else’s to blame for all of her problems and she is very very very angry and since she is a big coward…she is passive aggressive. If Fancy smiles at you…RUN!

      • Fancy sounds like a couple of people I know. I run from them, too.

        Well, I hate that The Duke was drawn into this, but we know he’s got a bulletproof alibi. Miss Kitty will vouch for that.

        Wally’s World needs to review surveillance tapes. Pee Wee wasn’t in the area that day, or was he?

        Such mystery, intrigue and sheer madness. I am eager for the next installment. This is better than any “True Detective” mag.

    • Hahahahaha! As you know, I am a huge fan of succinct and accurate comments. You are so right about the Brainstones.
      I hope people enjoy these posts, because I’m REALLY enjoying them. All of this is based on real people😠 the crimes are fictional and symbolic but the mental illness they display is very real:o
      and so is the abuse. Lately, it has become important for me to shine a light on abuse, especially when the strong prey on the weak.
      I hope I can pull this off with humor and some intelligence.😯

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